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You have done something to upset your partner and now the house is in silence, phone conversations are scarce or you are both sleeping at opposite ends of the bed. Apologizing can fix the problem but your ego won’t bring you to do it. The ego above the waist that is, we all know if you were to follow little boy blue (no pun intended) all things would be righted. Men, this is one time when you should be led by your loin. What a lot of men fail to understand is that apologizing to their partner can make their lives so much easier. A lot of women wish their men would just apologize so that the fight can be squashed.  Most women, well some (some women are drama mamas, love cass cass, absolutely thrive on it) want to move forward but instead, men allow their egos to get in the way. To them apologizing is a sign of weakness; they think it’s not manly to be the one to tap out and say sorry. Well, news flash! If you just apologize, and I mean truly apologize, not just saying sorry to shut her up then your relationship will be healthier. Whenever you aren’t genuine in your repentance women are able to tell and that will only prolong the fight. So suck it up, if you know you are wrong just do it the right way!

Rule #1 – Don’t Just Apologize

I Apologize. Crickets…

Image result for cricket sound

I’m sorry. I apologize. I was wrong. It is my fault. What is it that you are apologizing for? Those are some of the most used lines of apologizing without meaning it. An apology means nothing if it is loaded with sarcasm and insincerity said only in a bid to placate your partner. You apologize but you do not think you did anything wrong, so there is nothing that follows ‘I’m sorry’. If you do not think that you did anything wrong then you are not ready to apologize.  A meaningful apology starts off by saying I apologize or I am sorry for so and so. Accept responsibility for what you have done to make her sad, miserable or frustrated. Relationships mean compromise and part of making it work is accepting when you’re wrong. Don’t just say you are sorry, you need to actually state why you are sorry and give her reassurance that you will try to do better next time.

Rule #2 – Avoid passing the Blame

But you could have done this…..

So the person you are in a relationship with calls you out on something you may have said or done, hell maybe you missed an important date or forgot to do something you said you would or doing something you promised you wouldn’t. You know you are guilty (guilty as charged, dead wrong) but instead of accepting your mistake you pass the blame. You are far too eager to utter the words ‘if I didn’t do it you could have or why didn’t you do it?’ HOLD UP, wait a god damn minute!!!! This is something you said you were going to do, something you didn’t do, a promise you broke, why is it that the blame is being passed on to her? Why can’t you accept that you are in the wrong? That kind of response only fuels the drama. The bible says a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Don’t you think an answer such as ‘oh baby, I totally forgot; I am so sorry’, would melt her poor little heart and things would be much better? Stop making the situation worse than it needs to be. Then again some men have a penchant for digging themselves into the deepest, darkest hole possible.

Rule #3 – Acknowledge your Partner’s Feelings

You are always complaining

Have you ever expressed to someone how you feel? Well, chances are it took a lot out of you to really open up and express to someone that they did something to affect you only to hear, “You are always complaining, something is always bothering you or here we go again?”  Or even worse, ‘You are overreacting or it is all in your head’.  Oh no, you did not. Did you really go there? If you want to get on the wrong side of a woman then bravo! You have figured out one of the best ways to do so. When you say those words it shuts down a person. It makes them feel as if their feelings do not matter. Never trivialize or ignore another person’s feelings.  It’s important that you listen to the concerns of your partner if they are complaining there are obviously issues that are affecting them emotionally. The best thing to do is to apologize for what you did and ultimately how your actions made them feel.  And again remember the two rules above, do not just apologize, apologize with conviction and avoid passing on the blame.

Here are a few bits of advice when apologizing. It is very important when you are apologizing that you avoid the word “but”. There is an element of insincerity when you have to justify your behavior.Don’t blame your spouse for how you behaved. Take responsibility for the things that you said or did that was hurtful. Do not bring up the past and use it to justify your actions. If you have already worked through the problem of the past then it is important to move on because hopefully, someone has already apologized for that. Also, if you feel you have done something wrong just accept it and do not invalidate your partner’s feelings by saying ‘if I have done something to offend you’.

Psychologist understands that it’s very difficult for men to apologize because of the fear of humiliation. On the flip side if you don’t it might result in your lady feeling disconnected and alienated and pretty soon your loveable twosome may become a party of only you. They say a happy wife makes a happy home and the same goes for girlfriends too. If you make them happy they will, in turn, make you happy, so if you are not one to voice your remorse try writing it but it’s important to not ignore the fact that you have done her wrong and she is not pleased. Women, the same advice applies to you, forgiveness goes a long way. 

Your girl,

Unique Yanique

Disclaimer- I don’t claim to be a relationship expert, however I speak from what I see happening around me. Life experiences. 

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